god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We are two peas in an std pod
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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