He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
