we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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