A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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