Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
