you guys were way drunker than both of me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize