Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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