best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
