Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
