dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
