I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
