Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
