i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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