apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
