That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
