it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
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