Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
