Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
