I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
