I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
