I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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