well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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