so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
