Tell her she can't have a vagina
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
