Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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