I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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