I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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