oh god the rape fog is back!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
