ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
