Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
