You can't special order awesome
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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