just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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