someone threw a dead crab at me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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