I can text with my tongue
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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