just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
