Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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