Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
