turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
did i just pee glitter
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
