I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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