Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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