i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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