come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
