hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.