Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.

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  (513): Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box. http://tfl.nu/uquv
  Replies (7) Good night (3421) Bad night (727)
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  (914): View more from New York

  you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.

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  (914): you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/cp2f
  Replies (21) Good night (1327) Bad night (7119)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

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  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (3067) Bad night (7200)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?

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  (678): did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin? http://tfl.nu/67r3
  Replies (29) Good night (4376) Bad night (1235)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.

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  (614): I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm. http://tfl.nu/xqmo
  Replies (19) Good night (6796) Bad night (1596)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either

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  (516): i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either http://tfl.nu/wksp
  Replies (4) Good night (899) Bad night (2651)
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  (951): View more from California

  At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?

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  (951): At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate? http://tfl.nu/y4sj
  Replies (18) Good night (5081) Bad night (1229)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.

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  (+61): THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/omc3
  Replies (12) Good night (3658) Bad night (924)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.

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  (540): You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this. http://tfl.nu/zxgb
  Replies (5) Good night (3357) Bad night (878)
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  (818): View more from California

  Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.

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  (818): Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong. http://tfl.nu/rtog
  Replies (3) Good night (1334) Bad night (759)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.

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  (480): I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level. http://tfl.nu/m64o
  Replies (5) Good night (3069) Bad night (662)
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  (858): View more from California

  I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though

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  (858): I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though http://tfl.nu/pek1
  Replies (2) Good night (1576) Bad night (575)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.

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  (734): When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office. http://tfl.nu/5u6k
  Replies (8) Good night (834) Bad night (447)
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  (949): View more from California

  It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.

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  (949): It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants. http://tfl.nu/9y1w
  Replies (5) Good night (457) Bad night (830)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw

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  (478): I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw http://tfl.nu/f5v8
  Replies (6) Good night (270) Bad night (409)

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