Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
