He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
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He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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