Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable

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  (586): the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable http://tfl.nu/6hw3
  Replies (32) Good night (1198) Bad night (1847)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you

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  (321): You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you http://tfl.nu/ey1b
  Replies (71) Good night (3821) Bad night (709)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  She announced her abortion via fbk

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  (864): She announced her abortion via fbk http://tfl.nu/kc9n
  Replies (68) Good night (677) Bad night (6429)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.

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  (740): Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life. http://tfl.nu/k782
  Replies (34) Good night (5497) Bad night (730)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

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  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (105) Good night (38968) Bad night (1977)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

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  (617): he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time http://tfl.nu/x6gg
  Replies (21) Good night (1123) Bad night (5485)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

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  (202): the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other. http://tfl.nu/vc7e
  Replies (25) Good night (5090) Bad night (2283)
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  (805): View more from California

  You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.

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  (805): You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed. http://tfl.nu/chu6
  Replies (7) Good night (1739) Bad night (3552)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".

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  (603): Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight". http://tfl.nu/suji
  Replies (5) Good night (4180) Bad night (1270)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Do you know how to give stiches?

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  I do not...this text concerns me

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  (612): Do you know how to give stiches? (1-612): I do not...this text concerns me http://tfl.nu/8jm1
  Replies (5) Good night (1689) Bad night (591)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall

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  (412): I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall http://tfl.nu/47d9
  Replies (1) Good night (872) Bad night (432)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.

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  (509): Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option. http://tfl.nu/ikne
  Replies (3) Good night (398) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude

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  (707): I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude http://tfl.nu/pine
  Replies (0) Good night (544) Bad night (244)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.

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  (613): You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night. http://tfl.nu/z5vr
  Replies (1) Good night (1078) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  What's dad's email?

  (1-951): View more from California

  askmom@cause.idk

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  (951): What's dad's email? (1-951): askmom@cause.idk http://tfl.nu/l2ab
  Replies (3) Good night (1222) Bad night (232)

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