Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals http://tfl.nu/cfxk
  Replies (12) Good night (1284) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show http://tfl.nu/p27u
  Replies (23) Good night (3911) Bad night (1254)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room. http://tfl.nu/qe4u
  Replies (22) Good night (6630) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity. http://tfl.nu/x1wn
  Replies (25) Good night (4315) Bad night (1542)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/vsxr
  Replies (13) Good night (4722) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me. http://tfl.nu/5jau
  Replies (18) Good night (4636) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura
  Replies (15) Good night (5686) Bad night (1369)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning http://tfl.nu/91gn
  Replies (6) Good night (2115) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."?? http://tfl.nu/h07e
  Replies (25) Good night (1444) Bad night (2620)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty http://tfl.nu/906v
  Replies (10) Good night (2123) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes http://tfl.nu/3ixk
  Replies (10) Good night (678) Bad night (1205)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance http://tfl.nu/d5xa
  Replies (14) Good night (3009) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed http://tfl.nu/9jww
  Replies (13) Good night (1275) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon". http://tfl.nu/l6av
  Replies (7) Good night (1599) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (477): View more from

  YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (477): YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?! http://tfl.nu/xl4i
  Replies (2) Good night (581) Bad night (207)

Randomize