God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
