currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
