He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize