She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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