Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize