I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
