thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
