I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
