My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
