fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
