i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
