I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
