i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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