dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
