proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
ok first of all what the fuck
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize