sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
