You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
