Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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