Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
