false alarm. still invincible.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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