I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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