the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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