I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
