Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
