I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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