let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
