I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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