I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
