What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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