she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
