I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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