hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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